----MY LOST GEMS--------
Being a mother is a gift.And when you get a chance to be a mother to twins....is an added blessing. I was on top of the world. Thanking god and considering myself as his lucky and chosen child. Everyone around me kept telling me and made me feel lucky.But God had other plans i guess. So as humans, whatever plans we have doesnt have much life to it.Everything is in his hands. People say, whatever happens, happens for good. And i am a person who actually believed in that till i started thinking, why did it happen and what good was behind it?
May 16th 2012, a day which me and my husband wil remember forever with a pain in our heart. On that fateful day i went into pre term labor suddenly because of which i lost my babies a day after they turned 6months old in my womb. We had waited for almost 4 years before i conceived and our babies meant the whole world to us. All our dreams and expectations came to a stand still. No matter whoever tried to console me or give strength to look forward for a better future, it is never easy to forget my little angels and move on. A well wisher told me, maybe god wanted some more beautiful angels in heaven, thats why he took away my babies. It is easy to console the mind but not the heart. The only thing that helps me today to move on is hope. Becasue i believe God is never deaf to your words, blind to your tears or silent to your pain.
All the while, i am filled with mixed feelings. Feeling of Guilt, loss, emptiness everything haunts me all the time. Was it my mistake? Didnt i take proper care ? I keep asking God, 'why god...why me'. What good did God have in this? If he wanted to take away my babies, why did he gift them to me in the first place? I keep wondering what plans did God have in this...and i tell myself maybe he has a purpose.
One thing i realise is, when we face grief in life, we consider ourselves as most unlucky and the only people suffering. But when we look around us we realise we have much more blessings than others. When i lost my babies, many people around me tried to make me believe that it happened for good and i will be blessed again soon.So many people faced similiar and worse situations in life but God helped them move on and blessed them again.
I am a person who always believe that sorrows arent forever. They have lesser life than happiness. So to create a balance, God will give us happiness much sooner after he gave us some sorrows. When we dont ask "why God" when he gives us his countless blessings, how can we ask him "why God" when he tests our faith.
Today my babies are a memory. They are a part of me even if they arent with me and I can never forget them till i breathe. But i have hope that they are somewhere above in the skies looking at us-their parents and praying. Sometimes when i think, i feel God might not have wanted them to come into this world and face any kind of sufferings because they might be his special chosen children. So with a hope for a better tomorrow i move on. I still believe...God will never leave me empty handed...he will replace everything i lost.
"Lord i look upon you with faith and hope....do not forsake me...do not leave me...in you i trust"- amen
Being a mother is a gift.And when you get a chance to be a mother to twins....is an added blessing. I was on top of the world. Thanking god and considering myself as his lucky and chosen child. Everyone around me kept telling me and made me feel lucky.But God had other plans i guess. So as humans, whatever plans we have doesnt have much life to it.Everything is in his hands. People say, whatever happens, happens for good. And i am a person who actually believed in that till i started thinking, why did it happen and what good was behind it?
May 16th 2012, a day which me and my husband wil remember forever with a pain in our heart. On that fateful day i went into pre term labor suddenly because of which i lost my babies a day after they turned 6months old in my womb. We had waited for almost 4 years before i conceived and our babies meant the whole world to us. All our dreams and expectations came to a stand still. No matter whoever tried to console me or give strength to look forward for a better future, it is never easy to forget my little angels and move on. A well wisher told me, maybe god wanted some more beautiful angels in heaven, thats why he took away my babies. It is easy to console the mind but not the heart. The only thing that helps me today to move on is hope. Becasue i believe God is never deaf to your words, blind to your tears or silent to your pain.
All the while, i am filled with mixed feelings. Feeling of Guilt, loss, emptiness everything haunts me all the time. Was it my mistake? Didnt i take proper care ? I keep asking God, 'why god...why me'. What good did God have in this? If he wanted to take away my babies, why did he gift them to me in the first place? I keep wondering what plans did God have in this...and i tell myself maybe he has a purpose.
One thing i realise is, when we face grief in life, we consider ourselves as most unlucky and the only people suffering. But when we look around us we realise we have much more blessings than others. When i lost my babies, many people around me tried to make me believe that it happened for good and i will be blessed again soon.So many people faced similiar and worse situations in life but God helped them move on and blessed them again.
I am a person who always believe that sorrows arent forever. They have lesser life than happiness. So to create a balance, God will give us happiness much sooner after he gave us some sorrows. When we dont ask "why God" when he gives us his countless blessings, how can we ask him "why God" when he tests our faith.
Today my babies are a memory. They are a part of me even if they arent with me and I can never forget them till i breathe. But i have hope that they are somewhere above in the skies looking at us-their parents and praying. Sometimes when i think, i feel God might not have wanted them to come into this world and face any kind of sufferings because they might be his special chosen children. So with a hope for a better tomorrow i move on. I still believe...God will never leave me empty handed...he will replace everything i lost.
"Lord i look upon you with faith and hope....do not forsake me...do not leave me...in you i trust"- amen
Suni dear, it feels so gud to see u being vry positive n optimistic.. hope is indeed the source of energy that brightens our lives n keeps us going. one thing i m sure of is this.. ur gems are not lost.. never.. they always remain in the memories of their loved ones. they will be around us and live in our hearts. God bless these purest of souls!
ReplyDeletethanks da...
DeleteDearest Sunitha aunty,
ReplyDeleteGod is with you and he will and has never let you down. Missing you a lot.
Love and prayers
Meryl
thanks dear...i hope the same too. at times it becomes difficult to accept his will but then thats what we should do to know about his plans for us.
DeleteSuni. Do not lose your faith in god..yu will soon have a beautiful gift in hand. Prayers will be answered. You yourself r a gem of a person..and u deserve the best. You have not lost your gems..they r now your angels.
ReplyDeleteYou are always in our prayers.
But it takes a lot of courage to pen down such a phase of life. God bless you dear.